12 toxic relationship habits in which he fell locked up and how to order them

couple sitting on sofa together

Are you falling into these common pitfalls? (Image: Getty / Metro.co.uk)

It would be miraculous if you managed to overcome several blockages without any effect on your relationship.

We were forced into almost constant close contact, working and living in the same space, often reduced, and our opportunities for socialization restricted only to the people we live with.

All this, in addition to the immense stress of the Covid-19 pandemic, and it is not surprising that few relationships have made it unchanged last year.

But even if you stayed together and avoided an outburst, your relationship may fall into some not-so-great patterns.

You may have picked up some toxic habits in the last year or so, and that’s understandable.

However, what is key is to recognize it and get back on track.

Relationship expert Neil Wilkie breaks down 12 common harmful behaviors that many couples will fall into and how to abandon them.

Suppress your feelings

When we have been grouped with our partners for months, it is natural that we can be calm about negative emotions.

In the end, we want everything to go well. Why mention that they offended you or that you want to take out the bins without asking? Wouldn’t it be easier to pretend you’re okay?

The truth is, feelings don’t just go away. If you try to grab them, they will leak – “and your partner will pick up the negativity” – or leave it on fire slowly internally, leaving you miserable.

Now is the time to prioritize the expression of your emotions.

‘If your partner keeps doing things that irritate or annoy you; tell them how it makes you feel, ”Neil advises.“ Do it in the moment instead of burying it and allowing it to get bigger.

‘Use words like’ I feel … ‘and avoid blaming words like’ You … ‘. This helps you dig beneath things, into real feelings. ‘

Don’t deal with major issues

Related to the last point, you may have delayed dealing with major issues (whether practical or emotional) until the blockage is complete.

“It’s time to expose them,” Neil says.

Don’t let the delay become ignored and then forgotten.

Young gay couple using digital tablet in bed at home

Most of us have developed an unhealthy relationship with technology (Image: Getty Images)

Be negative

With all the misery of Covid-19, you are likely to fall into a little spiral of sadness, unable to talk about anything that is not destroyed.

Give it a little push to return some positivity.

Neil says: ‘In difficult times we often focus on what is wrong in our world. I wonder when you last said something loving or affirmative to your partner?

‘Every night before bed share three things with your partner for which you are grateful. It will put your subconscious minds in a positive frame before you go to sleep. ”

Loss of physical connection

He was busy, it was hot and the importance of human touch slipped through his mind.

“We need four hugs a day to survive, eight for maintenance and 12 for growth,” Neil explains. “It should take at least 20 seconds each for the sensitive hormone, oxytocin, to flow. So hug.”

You stopped having sex

Neil tells us, “In the block many couples have found sexual tension faded in the routine. Couples rarely talk about how to nurture their love life and stay in it, disappointing the normal.

“A few words could open up an incredible world of possibilities. Discuss with your partner what you like and find out what their needs and desires are.

‘Imagine that you can hold a risk-free conversation to explore this, knowing that there can only be one advantage. What is stopping you? ‘

    young couple following an online recipe

Don’t let the daily work manager kill the romance (Photo: Getty Images / iStockphoto)

The “we” faded

Yes, you are two individuals, but when you have a relationship, you want to be a team.

It is possible that the blockage increased your need for time only to the point that you are not really investing energy in your partner.

“Change this pattern by setting aside time and a place where the two of you can connect as a couple,” Neil suggests. “It creates those moments of intimacy where it’s like the world has stopped and nothing else matters.”

Dating nights, conversations and even just watching a TV show together can help you stay closer together.

You stopped appreciating yourself

“You’ve been working hard on it, working your best, but everything you get is critical,” Neil says.

Knowing that your partner is grateful to you will help make your relationship flourish.

Maybe share a list of 10 things your partner usually makes you enjoy.

“So on a regular basis, you say very specifically what your partner did that day that you appreciate.”

You are settling for “ok”

Your relationship survived the blockade. Now it’s up to you to thrive.

This has been taking their relationship a little more seriously and prioritizing it accordingly.

Neil suggests setting aside an hour a week for a “union state” meeting.

“Think about what went well in your relationship and what could have been even better,” she recommends. “Share the appreciation for five positive things your partner did and then pick a problem in your relationship that could be better. Explain why this is important to you and what you would like.”

Couple of young lesbians relaxing in bed

Enjoy free time on devices (Image: Getty Images)

Things are boring

The days have been tough and you don’t remember the last time you had fun.

It’s time to relive that energy.

Neil suggests, ‘Untie the kid inside and do things that make you smile and laugh.

“Be creative and, once a week, make it a surprise to surprise your partner with something you think they would like.

“Let your imagination run wild and see what joy it can bring.”

Feeling stuck

Being “in the moment” is good, but if you’re not moving toward the future, you need to change.

Talk about plans for the future, both in the short term, and a good vacation, and in the long term, how to buy a home together.

Your feelings are everywhere

“You’ve spent 18 months of uncertainty and you’ve probably been in struggle, flight, or freezing for much of this, dealing with an insidious, invisible enemy,” Neil explains.

‘Work on your concerns as a team. Talk about how you feel.

“After the lockout, we’re all going through the pain curve and it’s okay to be sad, worried or down. Let your partner help and let these feelings flow through you.

You are in a gap in social media

Did your screen time shoot in lockout? You’re certainly not alone in this.

We feel junk and dopamine success on social media seems like an easy solution.

But diving deep into the phone screen can have negative consequences for your relationship.

Take some time when phones are banned and you can really be present with your partner, free of distractions. Turn off your notifications a bit.

Neil Wilkie is a relationship expert, psychotherapist, author of the book series Relationship Paradigm and creator of the online couple therapy program, The Relationship Paradigm.

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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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